So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good Night

After long days and nights of deep thought, I decided to move this forum. With over a week of blood, sweat and tears of time put into it and working my finger to the bone….

Ok, so just about all of the credit goes to Lynnster who, over the past week (and then some), has moved all of my junk over to Wordpress. It is great over there. Come say hello.

Guilty Pleasures

Today is a very important day in history for me. The eastern coast of Florida will be all a-buzz with the celebration of my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary! Cheers of “I can’t believe they made it” will echo around the retirement community in which they live. No just kidding…I hope that they can get many more under their belts. Other major happenings on this date include the state of Tennessee being the first in the union to enact a prohibition law way back in 1838. (Guess who might be buying beer today?) Born today were actor Paul Newman (1925), legendary guitarist Eddie Van Halen (1957) and The Great One himself, hockey player Wayne Gretzky (1961). For you Alabama football fans out there, today is a day to drum up the past as former head coach Paul “Bear” Bryant died on this date back in 1984.


What are guilty pleasures? They are things that we really enjoy but are too embarrassed to let anyone know, right? “An example?” you ask. My buddy, Green Machine, well he likes to think that he is a manly man but his love for Justin Timberlake just wouldn’t sit too well with his pastor I bet.

I was lounging around on the sofa last night watching television with The School Girl when I realized that I have several guilty pleasures myself.

It occurred to me that I am a fan of the FOX television show, and soon to be canceled, The O.C.. More specifically I enjoy Adam Brody’s performance as Seth Cohen. His amusing quips and well placed humor tickles me to death…not to mention that the ladies are lovely, too. What other things do “hate to love” I thought to myself and this is what I came up with in no particular order:

Harry Potter: Jo Rowling grabbed me by my shirt collar and thrust me kicking and screaming into her magical world and I haven’t wavered since. I am currently waiting with baited breath (as they say) for the seventh and final episode in the life of the boy hero.

Holiday by Madonna: There has always been something fun and infectious (like Chlamydia?) about that song.

Kelly Ripa: I am normally one to loathe overly perky people but when I get to be home I always have to watch Live With Regis And Kelly…not to mention that Gelman (no he isn’t gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that) is a huge Will Hoge fan.

Gilmore Girls: Ok, again there is funny dialogue not to mention the obscure pop-culture references and the lovely ladies. Uncle Griz agrees with me!



”Weird Al” Yankovic: Maybe this stems from being a kid back when MTV used to show videos but hey, he is smart and funny.

Veggie Tales: Computer generated vegetables putting on skits based on the bible to help educate children while making goofy jokes…yeah, I’m all in!

Hall And Oates: “Why?” you ask…because “Rich Girl”, I may be “Out Of Touch” and you might be a “Maneater” with “Private Eyes” and I may have said in the past that “I Can’t Go For That” but I always want your “Kiss On My List”. (Oh yeah, that was cheesy!)

Kevin Costner movies: The emotions put forth in JFK and Dances With Wolves as well as the love of baseball in Bull Durham, Field Of Dreams and uhh well in For Love Of The Game are just great.

These are just a few of my guilty pleasures; my mind needs a little more ginkgo to coax the rest out of it. You may make fun but I bet your pleasures are worse. I can only hope.

The Biggest Of All Our Babies

I felt left out with everyone posting random photographs, so…

Look At Me Read

Today is Opposite Day. Obviously, this is a fictitious holiday but anything that was done in a Calvin and Hobbes comic must be of great importance.




I have been making up time this week by coming in a little early so that I can leave work early on Friday. The School Girl has another chiropractic appointment that day but I have to leave early from work to get her there before it closes at 6:00 PM. I realized that as of this morning’s commute I already had an hour made up which is more than I needed. I decided that I might hang out at the nearby Target or find a bookstore when I heard something piqued my interest.

Tom Griswold of The Bob & Tom Show was talking about bookstores and about the anality (is that a real word?) of people who shop there. A light bulb went off for me. I like to make the occasional shopping run to Wally-World or music stores but I never feel the need to be quiet. When I go into bookstores; however, people are ALWAYS speaking in hushed tones because others may be reading. I don’t tip-toe around people in the book section at Wal-Mart. I’m not whispering to my wife at the Dollar General. I don’t use hand signals when at the Kroger picking up more Fig Newtons (man, I love those things).



Etiquette says that we should be respectful of those people who are reading, like for example, in a library. What makes these shoppers (and I am one of them) think that we should have silence in an establishment that hawks hardbacks because you have decided to park your backside down on the floor and read something you have removed from the shelf. The more that I think about it all, aren’t you actually stealing if you are reading a book that you haven’t purchased? I mean, you don’t go into Food Lion and crack open a bag of Baked Lay’s (I love that SNL skit, Jarret’s Room, with Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanz when…) to see if I will like them, I just take a chance.

This brings up a bigger issue. Do we as readers feel a sense of superiority over our non-reading brethren? Do we think that since we are buying the latest Tom Clancy or Stephen King novel that we are better than the rest? Of course we do and we demand quiet when we show off our reading skills. This complex must be something that is learned as we get older. Children who have learned to read tend to be very proud of themselves (and they should) as they walk about with their Lemony Snicket or Little Golden Books reading aloud. They enjoy hearing themselves read and letting everyone else hear them, too.



Friday afternoon, if you are in the Brentwood area and you hear a grown man reading out loud from in the history section, come over and say “hello” and we can talk over the light Enya or John Tesh music about how amazingly skilled we are at reading and maybe point and laugh at all of the arrogant and silent people sitting cross-legged on the floor…right where I used to sit.

I Need To Pray…

Sharon Tate…Warren Zevon…John Belushi…what do they have in common? They were all born today and they should all be celebrating birthdays but they won’t be. They are all gone, taken by something evil…Tate by Charles Manson, Zevon by cancer and Belushi by drugs.

Another person I know is celebrating a birthday today but I guess to me she is gone too.

I know it is wrong to wish ill will against another human being but I am someone who can hold a grudge. When I am crossed, you are dead to me. When you try to cause me harm, I wish harm back towards you. When you completely fuck with me and are evil for the simple fact that you can and you get pure enjoyment out of ruining another person’s life and messing with the mind of a beautiful little girl, then you should die.



So today for the 10th time I wished my pumpkin a happy birthday (in a voice message) and will forget everything that was taught to me in Sunday School and pray for a slow, painful death to the pure evil on earth that prevents people from having a happy life.



I could really use one of those cigarettes now. Today is not a good day.

Pampered Chef: The Return Of The King

On this date back in 1984, Hulkamania is born when professional wrestler Hulk Hogan defeats The Iron Sheik to win the WWF World Heavyweight Championship. One year later, O.J. Simpson becomes the first Heisman Trophy winner (read murderer) to be elected to the Football Hall of Fame.

Birthday wishes go out today to MacGyver himself, Richard Dean Anderson (1950) and Cheap Trick singer Robin Zander (1952).


This past Saturday, The School Girl and I traveled up north to The Green Machine and Hoosier Girl’s house for yet another Pampered Chef party. Why in the world do we need this much crap? Well, as long as we use it I guess it is okay…right?



Things started off very badly as we got stuck in a traffic jam (on a Saturday? Come On!) on the bridge directly over the Cumberland River…you know, where it smells like dead people and rotten cat food? Yeah, right there.



When we finally arrived we were, of course, the final people to get there. Christopher Columbus I was not this fine day. The School Girl hurried into the house to participate in the party activities. A game of darts was already underway as I entered the garage (or man cave) and beers were tossed in my direction. Luckily it was well past the noon time hour.



G-Man is so enthralled with our conversation he can hardly keep his eyes open. We decided at this point we should make a convenience store run and buy some cigarettes just in case we decided to smoke (yeah, just in case).



SueBoo stepped out to inform the gentlemen (that’s us…no really that is referring to us) that some pasta had been created for our enjoyment. We trampled into the house and grabbed seats now that the demonstration part of the party was over and decided to get our grub on.







I am still not sure why my wife put this plastic thing on my head. To be honest, I don’t even know what it came from.







Big D brought his Guitar Hero video game over for us all to play. My first time out I smoked it like Jimi, hitting 91% of the notes. On a side note, The Green Machine choked it (like a chicken) averaging in the mid-60% range!



Green Machine was sporting an Indianapolis Colts jersey to annoy me. Apparently they give these things away at the bandwagon. They also come with tissues and diapers!





The entire Green Machine and G-Man family was in attendance (except for B2 – sniff, sniff). The Green Machine’s sister, Jess and her boyfriend sneer at all of the fun the rest of us are having.



G-Man does his gorilla impression. This is the fun that I previously mentioned. (You know it looks like fun!)





The School Girl seems overly excited. To slow this huge party down, we headed over to the local Mexican restaurant: Guadalajara.









We decided to sit in the smoking section (I wonder why?). There were no ashtrays to be had in the entire place. So to fix this problem they wrapped a salsa dish in aluminum foil…innovative!





Sweet Pea decided to “cheese” for the camera but just couldn’t get her chicken nugget chewed in time.





When we got back to the house, more games of darts were played.



The game began to get a little dangerous. After the flights and tips started falling off, problems arose. I may have accidentally broken Green Machine’s dart…one of the one’s he bought that morning!

So, I mentioned the other day that I might smoke or I might not smoke since alcohol was to be served. Well here is my hand holding the evidence…



When we left to head home I threw what was left into my glove box for another time and I haven’t even thought of them since. I think that I finally have made cigarettes my bitch!

It Gets Tiresome To Keep Chasing That Bandwagon

To get it all started off today, people born today: singer Sam Cooke (1931), horror legend Linda Blair (1959), former INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence (1960) and rap artist DJ Jazzy Jeff (1965).


So it finally happened. The New England Patriots lost an AFC Championship game. The Indianapolis Colts and Peyton Manning have moved forward and will play the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XLI. I am sure that it is nice to beat the team who you consider to be your rival and get what the media calls “the monkey” off of your back. The Patriots were able to do that back in 1986 when they beat the Miami Dolphins on their way to Super Bowl XX, ironically to play the same Chicago Bears. Considering that football is a team sport I can’t seem to think that Peyton Manning even had a monkey on his back. If he did; however, have a primate climbing upon him, I cannot help but think it is still clinging on tightly.



If you watched the game and were not pulling for the Colts you might have had a bit of excitement in the first half. Only once did I actually have any inkling that the Patriots would win the game. When the Pats returned the Peyton Manning pass for a touchdown I actually had a twinge of excitement. I remembered; however, that the Colts came back on us only a couple of years ago from a bigger deficit. The commentators were sure to remind everyone else sitting at home. I was not positive of a Colts victory until after their first drive in the second half. The Colts came back from halftime and scored a touchdown to put them behind by only two points. Generally in this situation, a team would kick the extra point and be down by one hoping to make it up later. The Colts gambled and went for a two point conversion and got it. I looked over at the School Girl and told her that the game was over. We would lose. The momentum had swung, our defense was gasping for air, they were cramping, they had the flu…they couldn’t compete. They never gave up even to the end but the better team won last night ultimately.

There are parallels with this year’s current Colts team with another team of old that had similar trials and tribulations…the 2004 Boston Red Sox. Both teams were many years without participating in their respective sports’ championship and have perennially been denied by who they consider to be their rival. In the baseball scenario, the New York Yankees prevented the Red Sox from achieving their goal as the Patriots have with the Colts.

In 2004, the Red Sox were able to beat the Yankees and move on to the World Series where they ultimately won, breaking an 86 year old drought. This year the Colts beat the Patriots but if they lose to the Bears, then what? There would still be no championship and they would still be carrying that monkey. The monkey is not Tom Brady and the Patriots. The monkey is Bob Irsay and his secret negotiations with the city of Indianapolis to move the then Baltimore Colts out of town under cover of darkness in Mayflower Transit trucks way back in 1984.

Maybe Peyton will overcome 24 years of adversity and win. He seems like a nice enough guy and I should root for him, right? He played at the University of Tennessee so that means I should root for him, right? Well, I won’t be rooting for Peyton or the Colts. It pains me to pull for the Bears but I have to do it. I don’t think I would be able to take all of the Colt band wagon fans sitting around patting themselves on the back (or whatever they do in that circle-jerk of theirs) until next season rolls around. When training camp starts they will pull that horseshoe off and put a Tennessee Titan logo on themselves…that is until the Titans get eliminated from the season or the playoffs and they stand in line for the fair weather of being an Indianapolis fan.

Smoke ‘Em If Ya Got ‘Em

Today in Texas they (whoever “they” may be) are celebrating Confederate Heroes Day. This “holiday” celebrates Robert E. Lee’s birthday which is today (1807). Being a student of American history and a big fan of the Civil War, I have no problem honoring those Americans who were willing to give all to a cause that they felt was just (even if I disagree with it). They are celebrating a similar day in Arkansas; however, it is a bit disturbing to me. Confederate Memorial Day in the great state of Arkansas is a state holiday commemorating General Lee’s birthday while combining it with celebrations for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday. It kind of seems disrespectful to the memory of Dr. King, but that is just my little opinion.


On a happy note, I would like to extend my deepest wishes of joy to my friend and coworker, Mr. Minor and his wife, as they welcomed the newest edition of their family into the world yesterday. At a whopping 21 inches long, colleges may need to start getting their scholarship offers ready sooner rather than later. Congratulations!




They actually did it. With one game left before the All-Star break, the Nashville Predators have taken the top spot in the National Hockey League standings. If they can be victorious this Saturday at home against the Chicago Blackhawks, they will head into the break with the most points and most victories of any team in the league. Maybe hockey fans outside of Nashville will start giving them some respect. But I doubt it.


(Click To View)


Well, it is finally here. On Sunday evening the much talked about AFC Championship game between the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts will be contested. In previous posts I have mentioned this very heated rivalry. I have talked smack here and recanted here. This week I am not going to tempt fate or karma or God Herself (obscure Kevin Smith reference) and will be happy to just enjoy the fact that my boys have done me proud and made another run towards a ring. I pledge to not gloat if we win or cry (too much) if we lose but I am sure that if we do win the Peyton Manning apologists will be spitting all over themselves about something.


One last item on the docket today concerns The Great Non-Smoking Experiment that has chugged along into day number 18! I am very proud of myself for not cheating and (making an attempt at) beating my addiction to nicotine (also, a shout to those who are running alongside the no smoking bandwagon – mom, pops and Kim D.). The problem will be tomorrow night. As you may or may not know my agreement/contract with The School Girl allows me to smoke when I drink in social situations. The crew is getting together tomorrow night and I will be allowed to smoke but should I do it? Should I leave well enough alone? I haven’t decided yet but pictures will be taken so you will have to be the judge. Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.